20-Dec-08 12:00 PM  CST  

Why Gateway Weekends Are Necessary: A Straight Man’s Perspective 

I speak monthly at a Science of Mind Church in Bisbee, AZ. This month the topic was “The Element of Prolific Variety (abundance).” Most of these churches, Unity, Christian Science, etc., derive from a “New Thought” movement in the early 1900s and focus on spirituality rather than dogma, although they are definitely based in Christianity. They like to focus on the good in you rather than on your sins and are big on the mirror. The one where I speak is mostly populated by women and gay women. I like to take the sacred masculine in to give them some balance of viewpoint and speak from a place that I know. They are rather “New Age” and have this perception that they accept everyone for who they are.

The sticking point for me is that if they don't openly acknowledge the differences in class, race, culture, orientation, ethnicity and gender, they are not really seeing people for who they are and merely “tolerating” rather than accepting. To see people as spiritual beings exclusively denies the humanity and differences (and suffering, challenges, isms, etc) that those different from me have had to live through daily. Translation, “I love you, just don't impose your troubles on me.”

Some of these folks are so spiritually high that they ignore the human condition we deal with on the NWTA weekend, a situation that is particularly acute on Gateway weekends. I related an experience to them to make a point.

An African-American man from Arizona was the only man of color on one of our weekends last year and he asked the staff what we see when he stands in the circle. Every man that answered him said he saw a Warrior, a man doing his work, a good man, blah, blah, blah. His response was “You don't see me! Unless you see a black man, the only black man in this circle, you don't see me.”

What a wake-up for me. Acceptance is the whole package, the elephant in the room, everything. Without the acknowledgement of difference, it's only tolerance. And target groups can smell it from across the room. Once I started to speak about my white privilege in church, the heads started to nod in agreement. They got it; that business of considering everyone to be a “child of god” or just another man doing his work was way too easy and really just lip service. The responses that I got after I spoke were amazing. They weren't pushing back or letting themselves off the hook. They just never thought about it like that. Neither did I.

The Gateway rocked me again, and the homecoming on Saturday was full of long-winded testimonials from the new brothers. I just let them talk until they were through. I don't think they ever had a place to speak to a mixed audience that was willing to hear them. I had watched Philadelphia the night before with new eyes and was pretty deep in my grief again. I, too, have lost many who were close to me. It was a good day for me.
All of these combined experiences led me to change the subject on Sunday. Variety is diversity when it comes to people.

I get tired of trying to explain to men why gateways of all kinds are necessary. I want them to staff one and find out from their own gut about the true value. Just saying that we are all men trying to reclaim the sacred masculine just doesn't cut it. WE ARE DIFFERENT and we lead very different lives with different pressures and struggles. And we need to have different conversations. It is time to wake up.

Comma, end rant, breathe…

Chuck Illg, Elder Elephant
I create a generous world by encouraging men to greatness.

 

Source: Chuck Illg, Elder Elephant, Center Director, MKP Arizona

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