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Why Gateway Weekends Are Necessary: A Straight Man’s Perspective

Chuck Illg, Elder Elephant, Center Director, MKP Arizona — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 18:00:00 GMT

I speak monthly at a Science of Mind Church in Bisbee, AZ. This month the topic was “The Element of Prolific Variety (abundance).” Most of these churches, Unity, Christian Science, etc., derive from a “New Thought” movement in the early 1900s and focus on spirituality rather than dogma, although they are definitely based in Christianity. They like to focus on the good in you rather than on your sins and are big on the mirror. The one where I speak is mostly populated by women and gay women. I like to take the sacred masculine in to give them some balance of viewpoint and speak from a place that I know. They are rather “New Age” and have this perception that they accept everyone for who they are.

The sticking point for me is that if they don't openly acknowledge the differences in class, race, culture, orientation, ethnicity and gender, they are not really seeing people for who they are and merely “tolerating” rather than accepting. To see people as spiritual beings exclusively denies the humanity and differences (and suffering, challenges, isms, etc) that those different from me have had to live through daily. Translation, “I love you, just don't impose your troubles on me.”

Some of these folks are so spiritually high that they ignore the human condition we deal with on the NWTA weekend, a situation that is particularly acute on Gateway weekends. I related an experience to them to make a point.

An African-American man from Arizona was the only man of color on one of our weekends last year and he asked the staff what we see when he stands in the circle. Every man that answered him said he saw a Warrior, a man doing his work, a good man, blah, blah, blah. His response was “You don't see me! Unless you see a black man, the only black man in this circle, you don't see me.”

What a wake-up for me. Acceptance is the whole package, the elephant in the room, everything. Without the acknowledgement of difference, it's only tolerance. And target groups can smell it from across the room. Once I started to speak about my white privilege in church, the heads started to nod in agreement. They got it; that business of considering everyone to be a “child of god” or just another man doing his work was way too easy and really just lip service. The responses that I got after I spoke were amazing. They weren't pushing back or letting themselves off the hook. They just never thought about it like that. Neither did I.

The Gateway rocked me again, and the homecoming on Saturday was full of long-winded testimonials from the new brothers. I just let them talk until they were through. I don't think they ever had a place to speak to a mixed audience that was willing to hear them. I had watched Philadelphia the night before with new eyes and was pretty deep in my grief again. I, too, have lost many who were close to me. It was a good day for me.
All of these combined experiences led me to change the subject on Sunday. Variety is diversity when it comes to people.

I get tired of trying to explain to men why gateways of all kinds are necessary. I want them to staff one and find out from their own gut about the true value. Just saying that we are all men trying to reclaim the sacred masculine just doesn't cut it. WE ARE DIFFERENT and we lead very different lives with different pressures and struggles. And we need to have different conversations. It is time to wake up.

Comma, end rant, breathe…

Chuck Illg, Elder Elephant
I create a generous world by encouraging men to greatness.

20-Dec-08 12:00 PM

Recovery of the Highest Level

Sherri Wormser & Steve Sewell — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 18:00:00 GMT

It was nearly 20 years ago when he hit rock bottom. High and drunk most of the time, Steve Sewell couldn’t function without just a little something to get him through his day. And he was getting into trouble left and right. One fateful day, the light shone and he realized that the only times he got into big trouble were when he was drunk. While sitting in jail he began to realize there had to be a change. He agreed to attend court-ordered AA Meetings. At the time, in-patient rehab would have cost him his job, so he chose to “white-knuckle it.” For more than a week he had intense cravings, and severe anxiety, but because he was stubborn, he remained sober. He joined Alcoholics Anonymous; although it was unable to help with the cravings, it did help with attitude changes. Hoping the worst was behind him, Steve went about his normal business. A few years later he divorced his first wife. After 10 years of wellbriety he finally succumbed to the cravings and drank again. Shortly after, he met his soul mate and current wife, Dru. Steve jumped on the AA bandwagon again and Dru entered rehab and began her own journey of wellbriety. Together they struggled with cravings for many years, Steve reporting the intense cravings to drink for more than two years, finding them difficult to ignore. Yet he did.

Several years later, following God’s will, Steve was called to help others with addictions. He received a grant from the Southern Ute Tribe to return to school to become an addictions counselor. Never easy, this was a path that was predetermined for him. It was during his early classes that he first had a glimpse of what would become his life’s work. In pharmacology classes, he first learned of how chemicals can affect the body’s own natural brain chemistry. He later went on to receive the highest level of training for addiction counselors, that leading to being a Certified Addictions Counselor III (CACIII). Through extensive training and research, Steve began to embrace the idea that replacement of specific Amino Acids to the body can aid in affecting how the brain has been altered through addictive substances such as drugs or alcohol. Books such as The Healing Nutrients Within by Eric Braverman and End Your Addiction by Charles Gant became the basis of his research. Studying with some of the foremost experts on the subject, Steve spent time training in Mexico with Dr. William Hitt as well as studying the works of Dr. Kenneth Blum. Steve has since developed his own formula with the aid of many physicians. He utilizes his proprietary formula in his addiction recovery clinic, Mind and Body Works, in Durango, CO.

Through God’s will, Steve is now able to help alcoholics and addicts recover in a safe, non-lockdown environment. His counseling skills aid in the recovery process. Each patient has doctor-prescribed nutritional IVs based on extensive research. Each IV has been able to greatly reduce and in some cases entirely eliminate cravings for most alcoholics and addicts he has treated.

This formula seems to be effective for a variety of brain chemical imbalances that occur from drug or alcohol use. Depletions of Dopamine, Serotonin, GABA, and Endorphin are common. Other ingredients of the intravenous solution include Glutathione (an antioxidant), B vitamins, Vitamin C and a mineral complex. The clinic of Mind and Body Works focuses on ensuring the highest quality care to all our patients. We treat the whole body, not just the addiction. We treat the cause of the addiction, not just the symptoms. Complementary care aids in this process for the client as well. Acupuncture, counseling, massage, infrared sauna, biofeedback, nutrition classes, and a complete physical by our doctors help in the assessment of any physical symptoms that may lead a patient to self medicate.

Most patients report by the end of their treatment feeling the best they ever have in their life and that's a huge jumpstart into wellbriety. Upon graduation from the program, all clients are encouraged to follow up with competent counseling and support groups.

Jump ahead several years. Steve was called once again to complete his journey in life and become a New Warrior. It was springtime, a time for rebirth, and Steve joined MKP. Since June of 2006 he has participated in BSDT, and has now stepped into his Elderhood. Steve is active in weekly I-Groups and has staffed seven NWTAs. He lives his mission "to create a world of acceptance, respect and trust by loving himself instead of judging himself." As far as service to others, Steve realizes many people who need this treatment can't afford it. So one out of every five treatments is given away for free!

20-Dec-08 12:00 PM

All My Relatives

Rob Negrin, Emerald Otter with Buffalo on Fire — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 18:00:00 GMT

As long as the grasses grow,
And the four winds blow
I feel your prayers from home
In this pile of stones…
--Bill Miller

The last edition of the DRUM contained photographs taken by Todd Silva of men in our community constructing an inipi, or sweat lodge. The Lodge Keepers Society (LKS) was blessed by the board of directors to build the lodge for our community. The lodge is built and is located on the north side of the MKP lodge between the MKP lodge and the north fence. As in all traditions that have a sweat lodge, our lodge will be used for prayer, purification and blessing. The lodge door opens in the east, as in the New Warrior tradition.

The lodge is open to the initiated community for any requested rite of purification and healing. It is also available for bachelor sweats where men will have an opportunity to purify and renew prior to taking vows of marriage, as well as for I-Groups that want to sweat. There will also be planned periodic community lodges around solstices and equinoxes, as well as for gratitude for the land and the bounty with which we have been blessed.

There are a few restrictions for conducting ceremony in our lodge. The restrictions are necessary to comply with safety and liability as well as city fire ordinances. Because of these concerns, only men who are blessed to make ceremony in the New Warrior tradition or who are blessed to lead ceremony from other native traditions are allowed to conduct ceremony in our lodge. Reasonable accommodations can be made when requested.

To learn when lodges will be held, watch the e-mail blasts form Greg’s office, the DRUM and announcements at the MKP lodge. News about upcoming lodges will be posted on the LKS bulletin board at the MKP lodge. Also posted on the LKS bulletin board are the requirements for being blessed to make ceremony in our tradition. Feel free to review the requirements at the lodge or contact either of the co-headmen for a copy.

To arrange a ceremony, speak with either of the LKS co-headmen, Rob Negrin or Vaughan Counts, or call past headman Frank Dunstatter.

Washte

20-Dec-08 12:00 PM

Unmined Gold: Embracing Your Relationship Shadows

Patrick Vachon, LCSW, �Dancing Eagle� — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 18:00:00 GMT

Next to our innate instinct to survive there does not seem to be a stronger drive in the human experience than to be in relationship. Across time and across cultures being in relationship, along with all of its rituals, continues to be a top human priority. Relationships have the potential to bring out our brightest gold and conversely our darkest shadows. Left to deeply imbedded learnings from childhood, our unconscious will likely keep us living in relationship shadow. Consciousness however affords us choice to live in our relationship gold.

Historically, men and women have joined together for tribal, cultural, political, or economic purposes. However, as religious, political, and economic shifts began to occur during the 15th century, so did the purposes for connection in committed relationships. Romantic love began to be the reason for partnership.

The model that I have been trained in and operate from both personally and professionally is known as Imago Relationship Therapy. Initially developed by Harville Hendrix, author of many books in the area of relationships including Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples and Keeping the Love You Find: A Guide For Singles, Imago presents an understandable and practical approach to maximizing the potential in all human relationships. In addition it parallels closely much of the work done in the Warrior community. It encourages individuals to keep shadows (childhood adaptations) in front of them, to clear negative energy through “Intentional Dialog,” and to mine the gold that lies underneath conflict. We consciously and actively embrace the gold that underlies our round two process of “clearing.” Our love relationships afford this opportunity as well.

“We are born in relationship, we are wounded in relationship,” says Hendrix. “And we must heal in relationship.” No matter how splendid a childhood we had, everyone acquires psychic wounds that keep us from being happy, fulfilled, and loving adults. However, Imago theory teaches us how we can use our adult relationships to heal these childhood scars. Of course, Imago did not invent the way to have a healthy relationship: It just describes the process and developed some techniques to help people in the places where we often get stuck.

According to Imago theory, when we are attracted to a potential love partner, we are actually picking the perfect person to help us work through our wounds from childhood. Whether gay or straight, female or male, we tend to be drawn to someone who is a reasonable facsimile of the person or people who took care of us and ultimately and (usually unintentionally) wounded us in childhood. The combined traits, both negative and positive, of our male and female caretakers from childhood form what is called our Imago. These Caretaker Traits become our “love script” as we begin a search for a partner.

Once we have found our Imago match, the relationship journey continues in fairly predictable stages. First is the “Romantic Love Stage,” which is generally fairly short, lasting three to six months. This stage might be significantly shorter or a little longer depending on factors such as geographic distance, previous relationship history, or level of childhood wounding. An interesting note is that as people cycle through relationships, the romantic love stage tends to become shorter. This stage is followed by the “Power Struggle” phase, which can and often does last for a long time, generally ending in emotional or physical separation. The third stage is the state of a “Conscious Relationship.” It is in this stage that we can maximize the potential of the relationship that our unconscious has methodically sought out. The “wake up” of Warriors is the “call to consciousness” of the Imago model.

The Three Stages of Relationship

Romantic Love: An altered state of consciousness.

Most of us know too well about the Romantic Love Stage, the much-sought-after state of “falling in love.” This stage is characterized by a state of euphoria, excitement, and ecstasy. With the injection of Cupid’s Arrow, we often slip into a state of unconsciousness, staying up late, wanting to play more and work less, spending money we don’t have, or calling our newfound love many times a day. Connection is the prime objective and all other agendas seem insignificant. We will often neglect our physical body, spend less time with family or friends, and have little or no interest in our jobs or careers.

This Romantic Stage of relationships is in fact an altered state of consciousness. Blinded by love, we enter a state of denial, which is necessary for the process to continue. We deny the negative traits of our new partner while magnifying the positives. Our friends might say things like, “Don’t you think she drinks a bit too much?,” “Isn’t he a bit controlling?”, or “He sure is mean to you.” You are all the while making excuses: “He’s had a hard week” or “She’s just having a rough day.” We are quite literally drugged by a surge of endorphins and adrenaline. The prime directive of this phase is in fact to get two people who are incompatible (more later) to be blinded long enough to make an intimate connection. Once the connection and some form of commitment are established, the couple has the potential to do some incredible healing and growth. There is only one problem. Most of us are unaware of the underlying relationship agenda to heal our wounds, and we become scared when the shift occurs.

As with all drugs, the effects of the drug of Cupid’s Arrow eventually wear off and we are faced with the realities of the relationship that we have created. It sometimes feels like someone has entered in the middle of the night and stolen the person that we first fell in love with. We often begin to feel that we have “married our parents.” If you have ever been in a relationship where you have thought or said things like, “You treat me just like a child,” “You act just like my mother,” or “You sound just like my father,” then you have successfully accomplished the initial stage of relationships. Congratulations!

The good news: Romantic Love is supposed to happen. The bad news: Romantic Love is supposed to end. Little or no healing or growth is likely to occur within a relationship when the couple is in Romantic Love. After all, how much growth can occur when someone is intoxicated? The drug itself inherently limits our capacities to grow. That is not to say that we don’t experience it as fun. In fact, our culture glorifies it; as a society we have become “addicted to love.” Many people jump from one romantic love relationship to the next; disillusioned when the romance ends, they begin a new search for a new romantic high.

The Power Struggle: Sleeping with the enemy.

Once the drug has significantly worn off for one or both partners, the second stage of relationships begins. Say hello to the “Power Struggle.”

During the Romantic Love phase we generally see our partners from a positive perspective. We tend to be blinded to the negatives, or at least discount them enough to remain connected. When the Power Struggle begins there is a tendency to negate the positives and see mainly the negatives. In fact the very traits of our partner that caused us to fall for him or her in the first place will likely begin to drive us crazy in the Power Struggle Phase. The man I originally admired for his “calmness, stability, and groundedness” during the Romantic Love phase might suddenly become “boring” in my eyes. If you were attracted to that lively, outgoing woman you met at the Rainbow Club, you may be feeling embarrassed by how loud and pushy she suddenly seems.

Elation and excitement have flip-flopped to frustration and often despair. The experience of people in the Power Struggle stage is often reported as like walking in a mine field—or being a mine field. Our triggers and buttons are being pushed every which way. Issues that we overlooked in the Romantic Love stage become frighteningly apparent.

These land mines feel very real. What couples don’t yet realize is that the mines were planted many years ago and are a result of those unmet needs and childhood wounds. The potential in intimate love relationships is to locate these land mines and disarm them. To locate them, however, it is generally necessary to trip over them first. If left unaddressed, the Power Struggle becomes a continual bombardment of exploding mines, often resulting in some missing arms and legs—or at least some further wounding of all those hurt parts of our psyche.

If the Power Struggle continues unchecked, there are fairly predictable outcomes. Many couples adapt by living a “parallel relationship.” On the surface these relationships may appear non-conflictual and fairly peaceful. They are sometimes the couples that are in long-term relationships but rarely connect. In reality, the couple has adapted with an “I do my thing, you do yours” attitude, an unspoken agreement of “don’t stir the pot.” They may live in the same house and sleep in the same bed, but true connection rarely occurs. The communication is generally limited to the essentials of day-to-day living. Problems are not addressed; conflict is avoided.

A second outcome is what we call the “hot relationship,” with an endless cycle of explosive fighting and reconciling. These relationships have the potential of being very intense, both in the conflict of separation and the passion of reconciliation. Unconsciously, one or both partners may be picking fights so that the reconnecting energy might occur. Although this results in at least momentary closeness (and sometimes great sex), the intimacy proves a transitory illusion as the cycle continues once again.

A final way to adapt to the Power Struggle is to end the relationship. Many couples go through years of ongoing, low-level conflict, pain, and distance, which they never address on a conscious level. This ongoing negative energy creates a variety of defensive postures which further separation. Usually, one partner reaches a threshold and terminates the relationship.

We may have unconsciously picked our partners to recreate the hurtful patterns and damage of our original caretaker, so that we may heal these old bruises. But, being unconscious, the most common response when the pain and land mines start in is…defense! Different people defend themselves either by fight, flight, freezing, or submission (rolling over and playing dead). Although these forms of defense are attempts to gain safety within the relationship, they don’t address the origin of the pain, and generally just produce distance.

There are certainly times of real danger when distance is necessary to secure one’s safety. But most of our defensive reactions are out of proportion to the real threat. In general these defense postures were learned many years ago in our childhood when they were actually effective. Unfortunately these same postures now limit and sabotage our adult relationships. We create what we defend against; defensiveness always creates more defensiveness unless the other party has the consciousness to stop the attack. If we see our partner as the enemy we will likely treat them that way, and be treated that way in return. This cycle must cease if the relationship is to move in a healing healthy direction.

The Conscious Relationship: Break up or break through?

Unfortunately “most couples break up just before the breakthrough.” Like a good workout at the gym, the most growth occurs at the final repetitions of the exercise. This is also the point at which most people want to quit, exhausted. There is, however, another option: Take the relationship to the next level, the stage of Conscious Relationship. What a tremendous innate potential is possible when two people come together with mutual dignity, respect, and commitment to healing and growth.

To create a Conscious Relationship, Imago teaches a process of dialogue and stretching. Partners must first and foremost establish safety. Easier said than done. To help keep partners from squaring off into their accustomed defensive positions, the Imago method teaches a technique called an “intentional dialogue,” which is really just solid compassionate listening. When discussing a conflict or trauma, each partner expresses what he or she feels, and then tries to repeat back what the other says, validating the other’s reality, although not necessarily agreeing with him or her. As the partners discuss each other’s feelings, each should remember that the partner is just reacting from patterns learned as children that kept him or her safe and alive. As we better understand and empathize with our partner, we find that self-knowledge follows. The two partners start to see how each contributes to the collective drama: the drama that is their relationship, the psychic drama of each person’s journey to awareness and well being.

But even with open, safe dialogue, change is still almost stubbornly difficult. There is generally a myth in relationships that partners don’t change or meet each other’s needs because they don’t want to. Although this is sometimes the case, it is the rare exception. Instead, in Imago therapy we’ve seen that one person’s greatest need within the relationship is always met with the other person’s greatest defense. Usually we’ve specifically picked someone who has trouble meeting our needs because of their own childhood wounds. And it is in these situations that the true potential of a relationship exists, as we “stretch” beyond our learned defensive patterns.

In moving from talking to doing, the Imago method next teaches partners a process for “stretching.” Through the intentional dialogue, you ask your partner for several “behavior changes,” ways you’d like to see him or her change within the relationship to meet your needs—knowing that it’s going to be difficult because of the partner’s past wounding. Choosing one of your requests, your partner then slowly stretches through the resistance against giving it. Like the gym analogy, muscle growth must occur slowly. If someone tries to lift too much too fast, the body will resist and collapse. Likewise, if emotional change is attempted too fast, the emotional body will resist. And slowly and methodically, the one having the need begins to get it met, while the partner who has the resistance begins to grow through that defensive posture.

Amazingly, as couples experience this win/win exuberance of healing and growth, they stop seeing conflict as a burden, and shift to the viewpoint that “conflict is growth trying to happen.” Our genius selves picked those partners with which we’ll find conflict, and now our compassionate and wise selves can use that conflict to heal the places where we’re stuck and hurt and not living a full and loving life.

The safety and dropping of defenses only builds. Contrary to much of our childhood learning, defenselessness in a “conscious relationship” contributes to more vulnerability and honesty, which leads to increased safety. “In my defenselessness my safety lies.” Once safety is established, joy and connectedness follow. Instead of a blind romance doomed to speedy failure, or a violent and numb destructive marriage, we can create an intimacy that is physically, emotionally, sexually, spiritually, playfully, and intellectually alive, and use our brilliant relationship to reframe our lives and our journey to self-actualization.

20-Dec-08 12:00 PM

The Land of My Grandfathers

The Land of My Grandfathers — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 18:00:00 GMT

Texas grieves me
Old joys turn
Into dark skies
Early days twisted
Into lost memories

Oh, how I long
Sometimes
For the St. Augustine
Under the giant pecans

The place of early battles
Fought over big money
Long cold ones
In Hot sweaty nights
With young friends
Now older parents
Tall buildings
Matching tall hats

A famous French aviator A tie designer
An Indian doctor
Three law school mates
Hair color not found in nature
Drunks and loose women

The round window on Lanshire
A young bride
The thin neighbor girl
Two dogs on leash
Cowboys and Mustangs
A good Hungarian family

Texas, too big for one man
Too big for his tears
It grieves me so
To be here again
Sitting on the American Stonehenge
Near the circle of death

Oh, how I long
Sometimes
For the St. Augustine
Under the giant pecans

20-Dec-08 12:00 PM

Ralph Waldo Emerson once expressed: “Man hopes, Genius creates.”

Robert J. Killeen Jr., Leaderbody Chair — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 18:00:00 GMT

A look at today’s world could lead one to the conclusion that many aspects are unraveling; some have lost hope, and some have begun to panic.

Now is the time you can step forward in some manner of mission and service and participate locally in I-Groups, staff weekends, feed the homeless, attend graduations and meetings, among other activities.

My offering is to let us focus on the “now” and move forward together with the genius in YOU to co-create a better community and world. The genius is within you, so please call upon it in mission and service as men and mankind need you more than ever. We have the tools.

The call for action is now! Do it for others. Do it for yourself. It is time.

Blessings,
Robert J. Killeen Jr., Leaderbody Chair

20-Dec-08 12:00 PM

Brothers – Man in Mission

Mike Maldonado (Victorious Vulnerable Lion 9-97) — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 18:00:00 GMT

In 1996 I visited an uncle’s farm in Peru to arrange a joint venture between his asparagus export plant and a large California asparagus company. As I did my inner warrior work, I became vulnerable and over time the venture evolved into a social entrepreneurship mission with sweet onions and purple garlic.

For my mission to work, I had to commit to build it myself. As I began growing and exporting I bonded with the local natives who are tied to the ancient Nazca Indians and the Nazca Lines. I treat my team members with dignity and integrity. Ten years later, I’m connected with these beautiful people, I pay them on time, a fair wage, have stayed loyal and listened to them. I honored their culture by naming my sweet onions, Sweet Nazcas. See wwww.sweetnazcas.com

My many feelings on this mission: Fear in investing my last my savings in a distant land, making payroll, paying my bills, getting deeper in debt, paying back investors; Anger at grocery chains not honoring their agreements and treating me like a commodity of little value, not making a profit even with good products; Sadness at being misunderstood, never feeling worthy, feeling discounted and like a fool; Joy at seeing my Sweet Nazcas in stores, creating something from nothing, seeing the happiness of Peru team members, introducing classical music in the packing shed, supporting my single parent engineer to provide for his daughters.

You can support me by buying directly from me. Commit to purchase four, 10lb. boxes, at $1.50/lb. (plus shipping), between now and March. Share boxes with neighbors and gift family/friends. Pickup locations TBA. “Non Sweet Onion Lovers”, try a box, you might be surprised.

20-Dec-08 12:00 PM

Visionaries at Work

Sonny Elliott, �Talking Hawk the Seer,� 4/91, Haimowoods, WI — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 18:00:00 GMT

First, this is not the "definitive" history on the Houston MKP Center. but Rather, it’s an article with a thread of what sharing and contribution can do from the vision of just a few men. Story-telling is another way to describe this article! While Houston’s beginnings are addressed here, I am sure someone else can write a definite “history” of the Houston Community. My focus is a bit different, and Houston is honored here as well.

My intention in writing the article is to demonstrate how one man, Robert Adler, started a venture that not only continues to this day, but has supported thousands of men in other states and countries. Also, this is an opportunity, as you read this, to examine how you are participating with MKP, or not: what brought you here, what perhaps took you away, and where you are today with your mission, your gifts, and your dreams, as associated with your initial training.

When I read “history” I often wonder how much is history itself and how much is “revised” history. In this article I suspect I could be accused of both, given that some men I invited to give me data participated, and some didn’t. While thousands of men have completed the NWTA here in Texas, I will refer to the men who helped build our community, who stepped up, and I suspect I will miss some “heroes.” If so, let me know so we can put in corrections when the next DRUM comes out in the spring.

The beginning: This is really a story of how an idea spread from the cold north to the beaches of Hawaii and beyond!

I spent a lot of time with Robert Adler in the late 70s/early 80s. We participated in many workshops, seminars, and events over the years; then, as often can happen, we drifted apart. In the early 90s I heard Adler’s name again, and found that in 1989 he had participated in an NWTA in Haimowoods, WI, and was literally the first man from Texas to ever participate in the NWTA. While I am clear Adler never intended to become a “Visionary,” in fact his solo action resulted in that outcome and is still playing out today.”

Adler: I heard about the Warrior Weekend in Chicago in early 1989 from my soon-to-be-ex wife. She had enrolled in Woman Within (which curiously she never actually completed) and was telling me how great the New Warrior Weekend was, to which I replied, “How would you know?” Since I have always been open to improvement and have a truly special karma when it comes to listening to and dealing with women (not!), I decided to go for it. At the end of my June 1989 weekend in Haimowoods, Wisconsin, I was asked to share this work in Texas, which was when I discovered that there was no one in Texas. I told Dave Lindgren I would see how the Weekend affected me over the summer. Without any I-Groups at all and no one to talk to except Lindgren about 2-3 times, I still noticed that the Training started to “grow on me” that summer. Finally I started to get that I was feeling better about myself, stronger. However, of the eight or ten men I told about the Weekend, only Levi stepped up to the plate. In January 1990 I flew up to Haimowoods to staff Levi’s weekend. They gave me parking duty. It was about 14 degrees out, tons of snow and ice everywhere. I’m still cold!

After Levi’s weekend I left for Effingham, IL to visit my then 4-year old (only) son Louis, who had just moved with his mother to her parents’ house prior to our divorce. It was a sad time in my life. But when I arrived back in Houston a few nights later, Levi was on fire, telling me, “Adler, we have to get to work spreading this thing or it’s going to die.” By this time I was not only aware of Levi’s recruiting skills, but knew that his fire, in combination with the experience we both had, was the start of something that probably would explode. Levi was a lot more connected than I was. And the rest, as they say, is history. The very early growth happened almost entirely because of Al’s efforts. Kudos, my man!

I participated on the founding board with the early brothers during the first four years and staffed maybe 12-15 trainings. It was one of the most valuable growth periods of my life. To re-connect with people like Sonny Elliott, Al Levi, Stan Goss, Max Elden, Tim Marvin, and later on with guys such as Stan Tyler, Joe D’Amico, and many others I had previously known in Houston was a real thrill. The entire Warrior experience is such a confronting look at men of all shapes, sizes, races, creeds, and colors. And looking back now, I think of how confronted I really was, being with men who were both stronger and weaker than me (however I defined that for myself).

I’ll never forget several sessions I had with Abati, debating racial issues and listening to him go on and on and on, but he and MLK were the first people I thought of when the Big O was elected in November. I am definitely humbled and grateful for having had the Warrior experience. I still look at the list of names of the men going through when the DRUM arrives.

My son Louis did the Weekend when he was 15 or 16 and hated every minute of it–never went to an I-Group, etc.–and he trusted me, loved me for having him do it, and has never looked back. One of my favorite parts of the training is the first Friday night. When it comes to burning in the notion of integrity, I have never experienced anything finer. The more integrity I’ve been able to generate during my life, the better my life has become. Those who know me well also know that I am the quintessential “late bloomer.” The good news is that I have finally bloomed! Trust and Surrender.

Levi: Being the ultimate recruiter, I shared my positive experience with hundreds of men in person, via the telephone, and through the media. Also, I had the privilege of appearing on the Ron Stone show along with numerous radio talk shows touting men’s work, especially the weekend training. One of my many recruits was my friend Stan Goss who helped to spearheaded the ultimate growth of what is now MKP of Houston.

Goss: It started for me with a lunch with Al Levi. Al (1/90) was the second Houston man to go to Haimowoods. Adler went first and then after Al I went. Then two therapists from the Friendswood area went, but they really didn’t do anything with it at that time; Ken Wetcher was one, and the other man moved to Tennessee. Al took me to lunch to “share” his weekend experience. Right time, right place for me.

I came back from Haimowoods on fire with three goals in mind. One was to keep doing my work. This was, at the age of 52, my first introduction to inner work; I had never done any personal growth work, 12-step work, or therapy; nor had I ever heard of men’s work. The second was to get my four sons to do the work (all have since been initiated); and the third was to bring the work to Texas.

I was initiated in June 1990 and in October four more men from my world went: Chris Davis, Sandy Vilas, Steve Beach and my son Tim from Denver. Shortly after that Paul Gilford and Tom Burns went. Now we had a fiery band of brothers, joined only a little later by Tom Hopwood.

Elliott: It is interesting that one year before any of this took place, Tom Hopwood, Gene Perry, and Tom Burns had participated in a psychodrama group, and this background helped fire up their imaginations when they attended their NWTA weekend. About that time, in the parking lot of yet another group (the Men’s Talking Stick Group that also met at the “Old Barn”), Goss met Hopwood and Jon Kinsella. Hopwood enrolled in the NWTA. In 3/91 Tom Hopwood (tenth Houston man) took himself to Chicago.

It is obvious at this junction here that, most likely unwittingly and unplanned, Goss stepped up as Houston’s “Visionary,” and parts of his vision are still playing out today.

Goss: Early in 1991 we went to the founders, Lindgren, Tosi, Hering and Kauth, and asked to have a weekend in Texas in 1991. We were told that we were too young and lacked the experience and numbers to do so for another few years. Our response was to convince them to hold two “Texas” weekends in Wisconsin. They were reluctant, but accepted our “Texas grandiosity” and gave us dates in April and August of that year.

Elliott: In April 1991, 20 of us, including Edwin Broadwell, Lloyd Butler, Evan Howell, Mike Scott, Ken Kuffner, Emile Roque, and Gene Perry, went back up for the first-ever “Houston only” NWTA training, and our staff included Ron Hering, one of the NWTA co-founders. I also recall seven Houston men staffed, including Goss, Burns, and Adler.

I also recall Kuffner coming wearing a full business suit. One guy had a tennis racket, a bit of contraband showed up, and the guy with the small TV/radio for some game that weekend provided a lively discussion in accountability.

The reason that I have always claimed to be the 11th man (first after Hopwood) is that in my group, I was the first one up in the greeting, the chapel, and oh yes—I must have really wanted to be seen—I was the first one up Friday night explaining why I hadn’t bothered to bring food on the airplane (from Houston) to the site! That played really well…for about 45 minutes! Now those were the “good old days”!

Perry: I was in a therapy group with Tom Hopwood that was led by Tom Burns. I trusted both of these men and signed up for the weekend without question. Steve Beach was my May weekend mentor and I was going OK until he called me. After our talk I got the impression that the weekend was not a retreat in the park! The second clue was when we were picked up and how unfriendly the staff was; during accountability, I was amazed at the cigars and farts by the men on the wall. This had to be a joke.

I had purchased a new leather jacket to wear to the training; it was damaged during the midnight adventure and I was pissed. Paul Gilford was a great bandit and I can still remember him hanging on the log. I personally gave him a few good blows to avenge my jacket. I resisted as much as I could, and I was number 20 on the carpet after one hell of a day.

Elliott: The first Houston graduation (5/91) took place in the “old barn” and this event became the foundation of our future growth. Ron Hering came to support us and teach us how to hold graduations.

Perry: Early graduations were really special, and I can remember Chris Davis coming in a tux!

Elliott: Our next group of 20 men (second private Houston training) went back up in 8/91, including my son Duane, Robert Andrews, Steve Lanhgam, Alastair Livingstone, Tim Marvin, Don Timmerman, and Ken Rogers. Fifteen men from Houston staffed. Like Goss, I intended to have my four boys do this work (all four have been initiated). Yet another mission accomplished that has profoundly impacted the quality of our family lives.

That was our last group to ever go north, as in 2/92 the first Texas training took place at Camp Cho-Yeh.

Goss: This group of 21 men included George Davis, Randy Fertitta, and Steve Goss. Lots of us have fond memories of a pre-weekend “Chataqua” that we had at the site to introduce the site and prepare for our weekend. Lots of funny stories about that. We held our weekends at Cho-Yeh for a couple of years, then went to Camp John Knox, the only site we weren’t kicked out of, by the way. After John Knox (too far) we went to Cathedral Oaks (kicked out), then Margaret Austin. Actually, we weren’t kicked out there either; they were very Warrior friendly.

I have some opinions about why Houston grew and flourished more than any other community for many years. Here are a few: From the start we had men who were very strong recruiters to the work. Basically we had 10 men who convinced the 24 to go to the first weekend in Haimowoods. Levi, Burns, Goss, Adler and Gilford were all committed to getting men to the work. Later on, Hopwood joined us and we had a succession of men, such as Sonny Elliott, Steve Langham, Dale Christianson and the Cardones, who just had the natural aptitude to get men to the training. Communities that struggled to get started seemed to lack that passion and talent.

Secondly, we always had a healthy respect for money and prosperity. From the start we didn’t put one penny in our work outside of the money collected from weekend training fees and I Group fees. Our view was that if we filled the weekends, that would generate cash, some of which we could use to scholarship men into the weekend. I believe that, from the start, we had at least two men on every weekend on some amount of scholarship money. The network was always looking to Houston for money to pay certain expenses. On both the points above we were constantly debating with men from other centers who held a much different view of recruiting and money.

Hopwood: Initially, I-groups were held in the homes of men like Edwin Broadwell and Sandy Hass. Steve Beach’s printing shop became our headquarters. Business meetings and “hot seats” were usually held in Stan’s office or at the Houston Achievement Place.

Elliott: Often men left meetings far worse off than when they had arrived, sort of like the blind leading the blind early on! We were heavy on intention and light on skills as I recall.

Hopwood: Many individuals were investing between 20 and 40 hours a week, plus running their own business or going to their day jobs. We were beautifully mentored mostly by Chicago’s Lindgren, Whalen, Kase, Greenwald, and of course Milwaukee’s Ron Hering (a co-founder of MKP, and a behavioral scientist, influenced by Carl Rogers), and co-founder Bill Kauth, the Visionary Elder.

Our mentoring was mostly from a distance, though. From day one we had our own identity. Goss, in his healthy grandiosity, taught us all to think big. Gilford was about doing it right. Our original covenant was to never go in debt for any weekend or any event we held; if it was not going to be profitable it was not going to be held. “Not a poverty mentality.” We could, and did, give scholarships every weekend from the start.

Perry: It was great to be a part of the community. It was said before that we were a true band of brothers. I was not a part of the leadership, and Broadwell helped to keep me connected to the community and to my original I-Group.

Goss: Another story about I-Groups. For the first couple of years we were on our own. Some protocols were mailed to us, and it was up to us to figure it out! Every meeting was like amateur night at the therapist’s office without the therapist being there! Lots of wounding. Sadly we lost a few men too. Finally we paid David Lindgren and Steve Kase to come to Houston and take us through the entire I Group cycle in one weekend.

While I am on the subject of I Groups, I’ll mention that two Houston men, Ken Rogers and Alastair Livingstone, made a great contribution to the network by completely re-writing the rather poorly done I-Group protocols. These became the new and very necessary standard for those times, and some still utilize this model today.

(Note that today there are the IGLT and PIT Manuals for new men fresh out of NWTA. These, along with the “opening” up of most I-Groups to uninitiated men, have been well received.)

What we had in those early days was a passionate band of brothers who constantly communicated, did our work together and attracted other men. We had very little king killing of men who had, along with lots of sovereign energy, lots of wounds. There were stories from other communities of regular king-killing of men with strong leadership qualities. Regarding both points, we were constantly debating with men from other centers who held a much different view of recruiting and money.

Hopwood: Another prevalent characteristic was that we tended to see rules and protocols as guidelines, not dictates, which allowed for a lot of creative weekends. The training weekends were a blast, as they were all put together on the spot. Whatever archetypes or ritual forces were present seemed to guide us into the “other world. It’s not that we didn’t learn protocols; we did; and we learned them well enough to break or bend them if it meant instinctively that a teachable moment was present and appropriate. Often a man would go down into deep stuff during What’s at Risk and we would process him right then, and then just go right back into the process as if it were just part of the weekend.

From day one Houston was labeled as being rich with talent, not “hard” enough on men, and being “special boys.” We learned early to deal with these projections. There was truth in them as there is in most projections, but the most important thing was to be there fully for each man “one man at a time.” We chose not to do the hard Chicago hazing that often served no spiritual purpose.

Gary and Grant Cardone came through. To Grant we should be eternally grateful for rewriting the Mission protocol to what we know today. Gary moved to London and birthed the London community by bringing over 12 or so men to John Knox. Despite a near revolt during accountability and a major regression during What’s at Risk, the men nevertheless staying the course, and the London community was born. And soon there were community weekends at Black Heath and their first training at Sopley.

Elliott: Moving on… The class of 5/92 included Walt Stewart, and trainings were held in August as well. The 11/92 group included our current MKP Chairman; George Daranyi, as well as Bernie Rogers, Brian Stutt, David Taylor, Dick Grant, and Corky Parker. The 1/93 group included Bob Beare, Terry O’Rourke, and Robert Killeen Jr. Our 4/93 group included Evan Daily, Theo Meicler, Kevin O’Brien, and Ray St. Germain. The 5/93 group included Joel Ferguson, Don Graul, Martin Lassoff, and Don Neumann. The 9/93 group included Steve Crowder and John Gaughan. In 10/93 Jim Mitchell, a future MKP Chairman, came through, as well as John Groll. Nov .1993 brought us wildman Jon Kinsella who influenced Houston’s future; he relocated some years later to the Denver area.

Kinsella: I went through in November 1993, at the last Weekend we spent at Camp Cho-Yeh, and the first time Stan Goss brought out the “Head, Heart & Soul.” I was the first Golden Child in its history, or so I fervently believe. I had been in a “Talking Stick” meeting with Hopwood and Goss before Warriors even came to Houston. I saw Stan before he went to Haimowoods, and when he came back, t-shirt, hat and brochures in hand. I thought it was a scam!

Due to miscommunication and misplaced resentment, I lost contact for three years while the MKP Community started creating itself. I got fired up when I met them again at a graduation. “Where the hell were you?!” they said. “You locked me out and moved the damn meeting!” I said. “We never knew your last name!” they replied. I about fell down laughing at the wry fate of it.

Truth was I wasn’t ready yet. So, I became the editor of the DRUM in 1994; then Communications Chair, then Community Chair. I was on the Community Council from 1994 to 2003 continuously. I think that’s a record! As an architect, I’m proud to say they built Land of My Grandfathers over my dead body. After 12 years of “shouting at the rocks” about the central importance of community, I left for Colorado. I’m pleased to hear that Houston is looking hard at that subject these days, and thriving with soul. I wish them the best of luck with it.

That was a wild ride, and I’m glad beyond description that I’m in this new, raw community, where I’ve become Center Director. What started out of a deep love and respect for my brothers in Houston is now blooming in Colorado. Ireland is next!

Elliott: March ’94 had the largest group to date at John Knox Ranch (41 men) and included Don Burton, Wilbur Gay, Bryan Siegel, and David Trahan.

Hopwood: The training weekends were a blast as they were all put together on the spot. That was the pattern for many years as we rented various sites, and a great deal of the value was in improvising, taking risks with set ups, with many spontaneous decisions.

Goss: Ultimately we decided we needed our own site. After a false start on a property near Sealy, twenty feet below the flood plain, we were gifted with the land that became Land of My Grandfathers, and the rest is history. By the way, there is a wonderful story to be told about the building-out of that site. I did very little, but an amazing group of men led by Steve Finn, Alastair Livingstone and Stephen McNeil, to name just a few, made the site come to life.

Elliott: In April ’99 the first training was held at LOMG, with 25 men, and suddenly all was different. While many wonderful gifts came with this change, for some the joy of “men working” from nothing to create an NWTA weekend was somewhat lost forever in our community. One of the out-of-town joys for many men from our community to this day is to “make it up” on a new site, and to actually re-look at all they thought they had known about setting up for a weekend, the magic of creating from nothing a magical three-day environment.

While Houston has had more than 4000 men come through, and produced over a hundred trainings, I am now going to shift gears to continue the saga that Adler started in 1989 as it pertains to building communities. So, heading west…

In 1997 I left my “old 914” I-Group (Randy Fertitta, Al Levi, Ken Kuffner, Lamont Grogan, Theo Michler and others), and headed west to Reno/Tahoe to live. I looked for two years to find men who had participated in this work in my area, but to no avail.

About that time I met Phil Hart out of the northern California community, and found there were MKP men in the Reno area. I put together my first I-Group, which is still thriving today. Early on, I attended a few events in NCAL (I could actually drive there rather than flying back to Houston!) and saw they operated on the premise of “Open I-Groups” which came to serve us well in building the Hawaiian community.

In the meantime I resumed staffing in Houston, as I would see a man that I just knew would benefit from this experience. I never sent men, I brought men; I would always staff when I enrolled a man, and I had a personal motto that I would not staff unless I brought a man. I was willing to put myself at risk, and I found that my risking sharing the results of the NWTA kept me engaged, reminded me of what I had accomplished through this work, and even as I sat out in the west alone, I continued this work.

During the last three years of my consulting business, I would not take on a new client unless he agreed to come to Houston and take the training, as I knew that I could move him and his wants much faster if we had this common bond, especially around accountability issues. On one training I brought four men to Houston, and often one or two men at a time. Like Levi, I brought over a hundred men to NWTAs.

My only experience of our local community during those years (1997-2006) was on Houston weekends, and I never realized that while some things were working well in the community, other issues were brewing in the background, resulting in some of what we have going on today. I have now completed a four-year project as a Visionary Elder.

In Dec 04 at LOMG, with my son Duane and his friend Alex from Hawaii to support me, I declared as a Visionary Elder that I would be responsible for taking the NWTA to the Big Island. This first Hawaii training took place Oct. ’08. Twenty-nine men started and twenty-nine men completed, .a wonderful conclusion to a long challenging project, and I could not ever have started it, never mind completing it, had I not enjoyed the support of our local community, and for that we are all blessed.

Today: Now I am turning my energies back to supporting the Houston Elder Community, and I am inviting those of you over 50 to join us. We suffered huge losses when Ritual Elder Ken Kuffner passed over, and when our Ritual Elder Father Don Neumann moved forward with his Church, no longer having time to devote to our Elder community, and when inspiring leaders like Bob Beare moved on.

Several of our Visionary Elders, men such as Bruce Anderson, Ken Rogers, Mel Taylor, Don Burton, Don Graul, Lamont Grogan, and Joe LaFico, are among those Elders who have stepped up in going outside of MKP and offering community service, such as cleaning up cemeteries, mentoring, feeding the homeless, and collecting clothes.

Here, I am reaching out to all of those who are not currently participating with our local community; and to our Elders. I am inviting you to step up. You are invited to attend our quarterly Elder meetings, beginning on Dec. 6th at the lodge. What’s at risk if you attend this meeting? What’s at risk if you do not?

While the Center seems to have an array of challenges, perhaps it is time for our community and especially for our Elder Community to all become Visionary Elders, to model, to lead, to mentor, and to bless. If not us, who? If not now, when?

While there are many men unfortunately not mentioned in his article, each man made a difference as he came through, as he would go out and share his experience and bring men.

Finally, thanks to all the men who gave me input, who took time to recollect their past and to provide us a bit more understanding of our history. To those men I left out, I express my regrets in not better representing you, and I invite your feedback, as this history is still unfolding and being corrected.

Blessings,
Sonny Elliott
Talking Hawk the Seer
4/91, Haimowoods, WI

20-Dec-08 12:00 PM

From the Editor

Mike L. — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 18:00:00 GMT

As I write these words, just a few days after our snowfall, only four years since the last time it snowed here, Hurricane Ike seems to me but a distant memory. I hope you came through the hurricane okay and didn’t have to go without power for too long. Mine was out for about seven-and-a-half days. I was entirely incommunicado for the whole first weekend. I took advantage of this rare opportunity to take care of only myself. The biggest downside was the news radio station I relied on, which followed almost all of its announcements with “For more information, go to our website.” I kept wondering if everybody else in Houston knew something I didn’t.

I was hoping to spend more of this particular outing of “From the Editor” discussing my lessons from the hurricane. However, I need to use this space to give some sad data. This issue of the DRUM, which is coming out in online format only, is the last issue for a year. We are going on hiatus as part of the financial issues our community is facing right now.

Of course, it is not just the Houston Warrior community that is struggling. A glance at the newspaper on any day will reveal some new setback. Lots of folks and organizations are probably looking for your help financially right now; I know they are looking for mine. I encourage you, especially at this time of year, to do what you can for others. And please keep our Warrior community in mind as well; do what you can to be present for it, both physically and financially.

I believe it appropriate, as we approach this hiatus, to leave you with an article by Sonny Elliott, assisted by many of those who were around during our early days. The article recounts the early days of our community. I was excited just reading it. I could not fit the entire article into the issue because of its length; the whole article is available separately on the website.

As for the DRUM, it is temporarily down but not out. I am confident it will return, bigger and better than ever, at a future date. So please stockpile those articles for me because I will be back asking for them once we are up and running again. If you have sent me an article that I was not able to fit into this issue, please be aware that I am holding it, with the goal of including it in our next issue.

In the meantime, have a great holiday season and I look forward to seeing you around the campus.

20-Dec-08 12:00 PM

From the Editor

Mike �Lionman� Leone — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 16:00:00 GMT

From the Editor
by Mike “Lionman” Leone

Each year at this time, I look back, in response to the community’s annual presentation of the Ron Hering Award. This event always evokes memories for me. One reason is that I was the grateful recipient of the award in 2003. I didn’t print anything about it in the DRUM because, as editor, I saw it as tooting my own horn. Another example of misplaced modesty, I suppose, and even now I don’t know what else I would have said about it. So I’ll let it go, recognizing that I have finally acknowledged receiving the award.

The greater reason has to do with the events in my life taking place at the same time as the annual presentation in Glen Ivy. The community couldn’t send me to California for me and I couldn’t finance the trip on my own. So I stayed home, berating myself for missing out on this opportunity.

A couple of days before the trip would have taken place, I started hearing a scratching sound coming from around my fireplace. For a while I was hoping it was just my imagination, except that the cats had noticed it also.

Obviously it was an animal, possibly a squirrel, or even a possum, since I had had a possum living in my attic some years ago. I had no clue how to get it out; I just knew I couldn’t leave it sitting in there in mid-July. I decided to dismantle the fireplace, which meant calling someone I hoped would know how to do that. Afterwards, I would figure out what to do next.

I picked up my friend on that Saturday morning and we began taking apart the fireplace. Removing everything we could think of, we were no closer to reaching the source of the sound, which by now had stopped. So I decided to remove some bricks, and for that I would have to call someone who specialized in chimney work.

So I was on the phone frantically explaining to some poor soul that I had an animal in my chimney and needed to get it out before it died. It’s not that I’m such a good guy; I just didn’t want to deal with having a dead animal in the bowels of the house, a situation that you who were around the old lodge a few years ago may remember.

So the guys came out, played with the flue, and I heard screaming coming from the chimney. Then out fell a bird. I figured it was dead, but when one of the guys touched its belly, it drew its legs back in self-defense. Apparently it had fallen into my covered chimney, no small feat. Even if it had had enough room to spread its wings and fly straight up, it couldn’t have escaped because of the cover. The guys told me it was probably just as well that I waited, because if it had been in better physical condition it would have been flying around the house, with the cats in hot pursuit.

My friend was, and still is, embarrassed that he didn’t think just to open the flue; I, on the other hand, felt only gratitude that he would put himself out all day to help someone who was trying to rescue a small animal. So, while he put things back together, I took the bird, whose leg was broken, to the SPCA so they could take it to be healed. On the way over, relieved to be in an air-conditioned car, the bird got some of its strength back and began flying around.

I’m telling this story, a little more than five years later, partly to let go of the sadness I still feel when I picture that little bird, used to being free, trapped in a hot, dark chimney. Mostly I’m telling it to relate the main gift I got from that incident: Initially I was upset with myself that I couldn’t go to Glen Ivy. However, there was a more important reason why Spirit wanted me in Houston; after that incident I never gave another thought to missing out on the trip, other than being glad I did. Another chance to trust the knowledge of the universe

I want to close by honoring Keith Liles, the recipient of this year’s Ron Hering Award. Back then, I was responsible for readying the DRUMs for the post office, a time-consuming task, to say the least. Keith was one of the many men who, over time, stepped up to help me with this task. He and I spent an evening at the old lodge working and getting acquainted. Congratulations, Keith. You are richly deserving of the Ron Hering Award. Having spent time myself working with recovering alcoholics, I know the dedication it requires and the toll it can take. And here you are, making a career of it. Kudos to you, Keith.

7-Sep-08 11:00 AM

The Spirit

Clayton Goldberg — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 16:00:00 GMT

The Spirit
by Clayton Goldberg

[Editor’s Note: Clayton wrote and read this poem for a graduation he recently completed. His dad, Rick Goldberg, submitted the poem to the DRUM.]

The search
This earth
Our birth

A Place where nothing makes sense
And, it’s all so clear
In the same moment

This is our Place
The haven where the spirit resides
And begs for our presence

A Place where nightmares wait
for the sun
A Place where the soul screams
in the daylight
And sings us down to sleep
by moonlight

A Place
Where men don’t talk, but speak
Where men don’t cry, but weep
And not weep, but grieve

A Place
Where men don’t walk, but strut

A Place
Where men don’t listen, but understand
Where men don’t see, but touch
Where men don’t smile, but laugh
Where men don’t hug, but hold

This is a Place
Where the spirit lasts
This is the space
Where the spirit grows

And just like the trees
We keep the sun and the rain
In each hand
Pressed and woven against our hearts
The only real necessity
We bring to this Place

This is the Place
Where men don’t think but feel

This is a Place
Where souls get polished
And hearts get dusted down

A Place
Where the face of the most beautiful ugliness is touched
And we stand in the middle
Of that golden center
And breathe, and breathe, and breathe

This is a Place
Of death and rebirth
This is a search to find
This is a search to be found

This is a Place
Where the young
See the innocence in the old
And the old
See the wise in the young

This is the spirit’s mission to hold on

This is a Place
Where the drums wake us up
And the light keeps us alive

This is a Place
Where men don’t tell, but expose
Where men don’t write, but preach
Where men don’t paint, but create

This is a Place
Where men don’t fall, but trust
Where men don’t exist, but live

This the Place
Where the spirit sits

This is the Place
Where the spirit fits

This our Place

This is the Soul of the Spirit.

Aho!

7-Sep-08 11:00 AM

Olympic Gold and Not So Gold

Anonymous — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 16:00:00 GMT

Olympic Gold and Not So Gold
by Anonymous

I never would have imagined that as these Beijing Olympics come to a close that I would be processing the impact of the event in my I-Group and my therapy session. But alas, like anywhere else in the world, my shadows, both dark and golden, were mirrored back to me.

The most profound and obvious is how the human body and spirit can be stretched to their highest potential. How with conscious intention and commitment to vision, magnificence in limitless forms can be achieved. The profound witnessing of the awesomeness of the physical body mirrored for me the awesomeness of human spirit.

In this world where our differences are often the catalyst for war, these same differences are put aside for two weeks in this one place on the planet so gold can shine. My eyes became teary as I watched the victors celebrate and the others be consoled. I watched and listened intently to the cheering of thousands of people cheered as athletes who tripped on the track, flew off a high bar, or fell off a balance beam, got up and resumed their routine. I watched as venues full of people cheered for Olympians who they knew had just performed their final competitive routine, dive or event. I watched as athletes embraced and hugged each other in joyful victory as well as painful disappointment. Why, I ask myself, can’t we live this way each and every day of our lives? Why are we so threatened by the gold in others? Why am I so threatened by the gold in myself?

My answers began to be revealed as I dug a little bit further. My own shadows came forward as I recalled my thoughts when a Chinese gymnast was performing. “Please let her falter just a little bit, not get hurt, just a mistake,” “don’t stick the landing.” Or, while watching a track and field event, hoping a Jamaican runner would be a little slow getting out of the blocks. I now laugh as I recall myself thinking “not another gold for China, hope her entry is sloppy; if the USA can’t win the gold, I hope the Canadian diver does.” I don’t have an answer, but I certainly ask myself the question, “where is all of this negative thinking coming from?” Why can’t I support each person to do his or her best and be judged by that? What is the shadow? Is winning the only option? Must I put someone else down to feel good about myself? Again more questions but yet no clear answers.

As I continue my journey inward I claim how much more scary it becomes to disclose shadows. My own ageist, sexist, racist, and heterosexist judgments come forward. Thoughts like “god, she must be a dyke, look how masculine she looks,” “sounds like he’s right from the ghetto,” “who is that white boy in track and field,” “he doesn’t sound black,” “not bad for a woman.” I found myself more attracted to “white” middle class sports. Oh, great, now I get to ad “classist” to my list of ISMs.

So yes, some of my shadows became apparent. I love that word “apparent” for indeed my internalized isms did in fact, at least in part, come from “a parent.”

I am overall grateful however because my most powerful reactions to the Olympics always have been and will likely continue to be of gold. I am awestruck by the willingness of individuals, teams and nations to drop their defenses for a moment in time so that human connection can occur. In this I find my true gold and in my judgment unmined universal gold.

If any of this Warrior brother's experience resonates with you, and you would like to keep your "ISM" shadows in front of you, the Houston MKP Multicultural Team sponsors a monthly gathering. Meetings are held at the MKP Center once a month; more detailed information will go out by e-mail and will be posted on the website in advance of the meeting. Bring your I-Group or yourself and join in.

7-Sep-08 11:00 AM

Making That Subtle Shift – From The Law Of Attraction To The Law Of Giving

Todd Silva — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 16:00:00 GMT

Making That Subtle Shift – From The Law Of Attraction To The Law Of Giving
by Todd Silva

This is a story about making a choice – the choice between getting and giving.

I was talking to my friend, Patricia, about what I was doing – that I was giving away a dollar, every day. And, I have to admit, I had an agenda… I wanted her to start doing it, too. She had confided in me about her husband being out of a job, and how she was being forced to go back to work as the primary breadwinner, something she wasn’t too thrilled about. I knew their situation, and the truth was that they weren’t that bad off financially. To my surprise, though, Patricia’s response was, “I'm just not ready to do this. I don't have enough yet to be able to justify this.” They weren’t exactly “rolling in the dough”, but I knew that they could at least afford to let go of a dollar a day.

Here’s what I was thinking – to give away, to release, or to let go of something that you fear to lose or that you have too tight of a grip on is the ultimate test of faith. But Patricia just wasn’t ready. When we started talking about all that faith and trust stuff, she got that glazed look in her eyes, as though she was desperately trying to find the nearest exit door…

To put this more in metaphysical terms, I would say that my friend wasn’t ready to trust in the unlimited supply of abundance from Source. She needed “proof” first. And, in my judgment, what lay just underneath the surface of that was fear – the fear of not having enough, the fear of losing whatever little was left, and the fear of never being replenished anew.

So that all of this makes a little more sense, I should probably share with you at this point what I mean by giving away a dollar a day. This is something that I actively practice in my life right now. And it’s just like it sounds. Every day, I give away a dollar – always in a public place so that someone will find it (and PROSPER from it), and I usually do it anonymously. This way, in addition to increasing their prosperity, I’m also creating joy and surprise for whoever finds it later on!

Now there’s a real good reason why I started doing this in the first place. I’m a father and a husband, a degreed engineer, and I consider myself to be a reasonably intelligent man. But about a year ago, I had come to the end of a streak where I had lost most of my (and my family’s) money – all due to some really irresponsible mistakes I had made a few years earlier. I couldn’t blame anyone else; I was solely responsible for getting us into this mess.

Being faced with a real bleak financial outlook, I didn’t know where to turn or what to do next, and I was starting to get scared that we were going to go under or that bankruptcy might be around the corner. Thankfully, I had devoted myself to a personal prayer and meditation practice at the time – and it was here where I so gratefully received the inspiration from Spirit to begin to let go of the tight grip I had on money by giving away a little every day.

Oh, it was an inspirational nudge alright, but I have to tell you it sounded really weird, and it didn’t make any sense at all. Yet, in a strange way, it felt like the very thing that I needed to do. So since nothing else was working, I decided to let go and trust this process, and to begin to develop the habit of every day giving, even if it was only in the small amount of a dollar each time. Our financial situation began to turn around after only a few short months… I landed a really awesome new job making a lot more money… and I just began to feel all-around happier with my renewed sense of making a positive difference for others!

I already mentioned that I give away each time in a public place, and that I do it anonymously. In a way, it’s like tithing, but with a couple of subtle differences – because when I give away anonymously, I’m not making it about me. It’s about whoever else finds it; it’s for their increase. I also don’t keep track of how much I give, and don’t write any of it off as a tax deduction, because I don’t want to inject any of my own personal agendas or needs into this daily giving. I guess another way to say this is that I give away unconditionally, without the expectation of anything in return.

But you know something, I do know the way the Universe works – as do most of us – and that’s that we get what we give. This is so universal that it has even been referred to as the Law of Giving. Most of the Law of Attraction tools nowadays seem to only focus on the getting, more-more-more, bigger-better-faster. If we're not careful, we might completely overlook the essential piece… giving.

When we focus on giving, we bring our lives back into balance. And we get back into flow with the Universe, by demonstrating our openness to that flow, and our belief in flow. To some, a dollar may not seem like much, but to others, it could be a real stretch. It’s not the amount that’s important – it’s OK if you can only give away a dime. What matters is your demonstration, in faith, to the universe, and to yourself, that you have enough to be able to give away every day… And to be able to get back into flow with the universe.

You may have heard the phrase “act as if.” If this idea of every-day giving calls to you, then I suggest that when you give away a dollar (or a dime, or whatever you can), act as if you have enough, enough to be giving away. In fact, I often silently say to myself, “because I am able to give away this dollar today, I have more than enough in this very moment”. Read that one more time… it’s pretty powerful! When I “act as if”, I am making a demonstration, and a declaration, that I already have more than enough right now!

I don’t think Patricia believes in the Law of Giving… at least not yet. She can be pretty skeptical about things, especially those unseen. She needs proof that something is going to work before she commits to doing it. Sadly, this is the exact opposite of faith. (I think it’s also the destroyer of faith, because it is the need for the universe to prove something to us before we take action…)

I know from personal experience that letting go in trust and in faith, and giving a small amount every day, is one of the best ways to heal prosperity issues. Instead of focusing on lack, or worrying about the economy and the price of gas, or fearing your financial situation, why not begin to give away a dollar, or a quarter, or a dime, a day, however and wherever you choose? Yes, I know that this all may sound quite backwards, but this is exactly how we go about creating powerful, and permanent, shifts within.

My hope is that Patricia will soon join me in applying the Law of Giving, where she can make the shift over to unconditional giving, without the expectation of anything in return… while at the same time knowing, and holding in her heart, that the universe does and will continue to do a pretty good job of taking care of the details.

In closing, I want to share with you this quote that I absolutely love – “Most times, we think that we don't have anything to give. Yet, if we look more closely, we'll see that even the little we have could be shared with others. Let us not wait for a time when we think we'll have lots and then we'll give. By giving and sharing the little we have, we open up the storehouse of the universe and permit rivers of good to come our way.” (From “The Power of Giving” by John Harricharan).

Todd's blog at http://toddsilva.com and website at http://giveawayadollaraday.com are all about healing in prosperity issues and bringing balance back into your life through every day, unconditional giving. A nationally recognized speaker, Todd is available to speak at your event; please call 713/849-3535 for more information.

7-Sep-08 11:00 AM

Going In Mission and Service

Prentiss �Golden Fat Cat� Jones — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 16:00:00 GMT

Going In Mission and Service
by Prentiss “Golden Fat Cat” Jones

Each year, one man in each of the 38 centers worldwide that comprise the ManKind Project International (MKPI) is eligible to receive recognition for living a life of mission and service, primarily outside of the context of our circles of men. Each community may select such an individual and submit his name to MKPI for review and blessing, with the end result being the bestowment of the Ron Hering Award, named after one of the founders of this work.

Last Fall, MKP Houston began a search for its candidate, and nominations were submitted and later evaluated by a committee of brothers. Of those nominees, Keith Liles, Healing Bear, was selected for the honor, and at a banquet at the annual Glen Ivy Conference his award was presented to MKPH Executive Director Greg Gondron who accepted on Keith’s behalf.

“What an amazing honor this is. To be affirmed for living a personal mantra around mission and service, something for me that is so simple and so necessary, is truly profound. And to be recognized by an organization and group of men that mean so much to me is the greater gift.”

For me, this nomination was a special pleasure. Aside from being the recipient of this honor in 2001, and clearly knowing what living a life in mission can be and feel like, I have also been Keith's Integration leadership mentor for the past four years. I have watched him grow in his leader gold, moving from a place of great reservation and fear into one spotlighted by leadership and mentorship throughout the community. Nominating Keith was indeed a huge gift to me, and he was an easy selection because his mission is one of simplicity and clarity: “I create a world of healing through hope, beginning with myself.” Without any doubt, Keith lives this mission each day, every day.

Keith supports men in their work within the circles of New Warrior Training Adventure Weekends, and Primary Integration Training (PIT) Cycles, having served on over 40 weekend, MOS and PIT teams. Additionally, he has dedicated himself to a variety of other facets of MKP Houston, such as designing and implementing the Men of Service Program (November 2006) and the new Training, Education & Outreach Committee (January, 2008). He currently serves as the Vice Chairman of the Board of Directors, Advisor of the Integration Council and Fundraising Chair for the Memorial Brick “Pathway to Mission” project. When asked about his greatest Warrior accomplishment, Keith reflects on the 35 men he has brought to the New Warrior Training Adventure weekends.

This spirit and energy extends well past Warrior circles and into and throughout Keith’s life. After a successful 12-year career in the banking industry, coupled with his struggle with the shadows of addiction, Keith found his calling as a therapist for the chemically dependent. He has spent the last 14 years dedicated to working with individuals who are in need of connecting with their own shadows. From leading pro bono youth recovery groups and teaching addiction prevention education groups in area high schools, Keith has channeled his passion over the past decade into legislative efforts by traveling both Austin and to Washington, D.C. to speak to governmental bodies about the need for increased funding for prevention, intervention, and treatment in Texas. Several years ago, Keith was the recipient of the National Addiction Professional of the Year award, the highest national honor afforded a member of the field of addiction treatment.

Today, when he is not at the Warrior Lodge, you can find Keith at Extended Aftercare where he serves as the Chief Clinical Officer and co-owner. EAI, a long term substance abuse treatment community for men, affords Keith a daily opportunity to live his mission, and to empower men to begin their own journey of healing. And all the while, he lives his. I have been to the EAI facilities on several occasions, and have witnessed the love and respect Keith's business associates, as well as the clients, have for him. Without question, Keith's love of our work in MKP and his practical application of it in his professional life have definitely made dramatic and dynamic impact on literally thousands.

“My own personal journey of recovery had been successful, but after seven years, and the death of my father, something more was needed. And while I went to my weekend literally kicking and screaming, it was the most profound experience of my life, and that is when the journey really began…that is when the actual healing started. I always knew my mission was to help others heal, but somewhere along the way, I had forgotten about myself. Today, thanks to my connection to this work and the personal evolution that has resulted, I have the awareness and absolute clarity to recognize that by not placing myself first in the healing process, I am unable and unfit to connect and help others,” states Liles.

Since Keith was unable to be present to receive the award from MKPI, Greg Gondron presented him with the award at the April NWTA Graduation Ceremony. Greg said about Keith, “Keith is a man of passion, commitment and generosity. He has given beyond measure to our Community and outside of our community, allowing men from all walks of life to experience the healing, connection and transformation our trainings provide. Keith embodies integrity and action!”

It is a huge blessing to have Keith as a part of my life. He truly does “Go in Mission and Service.”

7-Sep-08 11:00 AM

MOTHER NIGHT

James Kinchloe — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 16:00:00 GMT

MOTHER NIGHT
by James Kinchloe

the day is done my blanket holds me
as this old house it creaks and sighs
the magician comes a nightly visit
to carry me with him to places high

mother bat you ride the currents
of earth moon sky and whispering sea
to return to your young ones again at daybreak
a mystery to many but not to me

so my brothers let us build a campfire
here on this friendly hallowed ground
with wood that our grandfathers planted
with wood that our dear mothers found

and dance the darkness shadows jumping
as flames reach high into the sky
to send their embers soaring upward
to meet with the glittering stars this night

alone in bed my teacher leaves me
to dreams desires that are my own
to swim the vastness planets turning
and find the place that is my home

August 2008

7-Sep-08 11:00 AM

Mayor’s Volunteer Award, 2008 Nominating George Sayre, D.D.S.

Mariano W. Guas — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 16:00:00 GMT

Mayor’s Volunteer Award, 2008 Nominating George Sayre, D.D.S.
by Mariano W. Guas

How does a patient’s appointment turn into ten years of volunteering for the dentist? For Dr. George Sayre it all happened ten years ago when Dr. David Buck sat down in his dental chair. Dr. Buck’s numbed and mumbled question of how could the new organization Healthcare for the Homeless-Houston (HHH) enlist the support of Houston dentists for a budding dental clinic elicited Dr. Sayre’s own enthusiastic questions, and that was just the beginning!

Dr. Sayre began by providing weekly services and offering advice from his years as a dentist and by opening doors into Houston’s dental community for support and donations to further the clinic’s development. After a year, Dr. Sayre agreed to become volunteer Dental Director, and that turned into a genuine labor of love for the next nine years.

Dr. Sayre extended his belief of excellence in dental care and top-notch customer-centered service from his private office into HHH’s free clinic for Houston’s homeless men and women. His caring nature, his passion for serving people all in the same manner whether rich or poor, and his high standards of quality established the ongoing principles of service and excellence and the warm and friendly atmosphere of the HHH dental clinic.

For the daily operations of the clinic, Dr. Sayre is unfailingly available to staff members for thoughtful, level-headed, fair and wise leadership and guidance, whether in matters of personnel, service planning, patient care or personal encouragement. For the overall growth and development of the program, Dr. Sayre has made promoting the HHH dental clinic a top priority in the community and among his colleagues of the Greater Houston Dental Society. He has devoted countless hours to ensure that this clinic for the homeless would live and grow.

Dr. Sayre has provided such excellent service and leadership that he has worked himself right out of his volunteer Dental Director’s job. The clinic has developed and prospered to such an extent that it is becoming necessary to have a full-time paid director. Even as Dr. Sayre guides that transition, he will not give up volunteering for HHH, but rather will transfer his service to the Board of Directors for continuing involvement and leadership.

The greatest proof of the impact of George Sayre as volunteer Dental Director with Healthcare for the Homeless-Houston is not just that the clinic has grown from a one-chair, part-time, limited-service operation to a full-time, three-operator comprehensive dental clinic. The real proof is in our “smile book,” a before-and-after picture album of dental patients. The happy and beautiful new smiles dramatically illustrate the transforming changes in hundreds of lives each year through restored health, appearance and confidence, leading to self-sufficiency.

7-Sep-08 11:00 AM

From the Editor

Mike �Lionman� Leone — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 18:15:00 GMT

From the Editor
by Mike “Lionman” Leone

Another summer has finally arrived. It was too cold to feel like summer, or even spring, as we experience spring here in Houston anyway, when I visited Yankee Stadium toward the middle of May and watched the Yankees get trounced by the Mets 11-2. I was there primarily as a way of honoring my father. I can’t imagine that he, having been born in Brooklyn, never set foot in Yankee Stadium, even if it was to watch the Dodgers go up against the Bronx Bombers. And since I had read earlier this year that after this season they will be tearing down the present Yankee Stadium which has stood proudly in the Bronx since 1923 to make way for a new stadium, I figured it was now or never.

So I approached June, month of Father’s Day, with thoughts of my own father. This month, lots of us in the New Warrior community are spending more time than normal in our roles as fathers. Between thoughts of fatherhood and thoughts of baseball, I selected the quote by baseball Hall of Famer Harmon Killebrew for the front page of this issue of the DRUM.

I can’t help but wonder, however, if the way we as a society see Father’s Day is changing. The denomination I attend regularly takes time to honor mothers and fathers on their special days. I remember a Father’s Day morning several years ago where all the fathers were asked to kneel and receive a blessing. Not being a father, I chose to remain seated. Then all the men were asked to look inside and, if we played the role of a father in our lives in any way, to kneel and partake of the blessing. I had a similar although less subtle experience a couple of Sundays ago at a different church of the same denomination. While sitting and waiting for the fathers in the congregation to step up to the front to receive a gift, I became aware of some commotion to my right. The usher was making rather broad gestures to me that I should get up and walk to the front as well, and he was not about to let me just wave him away. Now, I don’t mind having attention focused on me, and only when it is by choice so, rather than let this scene continue I went ahead and stepped to the front and received the gift.

With that experience still fresh in my mind, I was going through e-mails later in the day and ran across one from another gay man who ended his message with “Happy Dad’s Day!” He and I have known each other for some 15 years so I’m certain he knows that I am not a father in the traditional sense.

And yet these differing ways of looking at fatherhood are not really a new development. We honor Father Sky while looking to the seven directions, and among the gifts that Father Sky offers are power and protection. Also during my recent research of quotes on fatherhood, I stumbled onto this one: “It is not flesh and blood but the heart which makes us fathers and sons.” It comes to us from Friedrich Schiller, who was born in 1759 and died in 1805, over 200 years ago.

So it occurs to me that the celebration of being a father takes in more than the crucial life-sustaining element of physical fatherhood. Certainly we as members of the Houston Men in Mission community are assuming an attitude of fatherhood toward neglected people and neglected places, as Lamont Grogan so admirably points out in our lead article. I think it is possible that the celebration of fatherhood encompasses and touches upon the celebration of being a man, something we of the Houston New Warrior community do so admirably anyway.

11-Aug-08 1:15 PM

MKP Houston Community Meeting

Mike Leone, DRUM Editor — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 18:15:00 GMT

MKP Houston Community Meeting
By Mike Leone, DRUM Editor

Our second community meeting of 2008 took place at the lodge on May 10. Dave Steitz, who has assumed the position of Board chair, was at the helm. Dave began by reminding us that no community is static and that every community experiences its up and down periods. Corollary to this is that we can have down periods and still prosper. His intention for the meeting was that all of us leave with the commitment that our community is worth devoting ourselves to. He added that the lawsuit had been settled and that those involved in the negotiations were satisfied with the settlement terms, which are confidential.

Greg Gondron, Center Director, addressed some recent interactions we had had with MKP International. It is standard for all the communities to pay a fee to MKPI after each weekend based on the number of staff and initiates on that weekend. It was our perception that we were not getting anything in return for the fees we were paying, and in fact the rates had recently increased. We addressed our concerns to MKPI and received a promise that they would look into it, which never happened. So we held back our payments which, needless to say, got their attention, and at the same time set a boundary around what we were willing to pay. Representatives from MKPI did come to Houston for some meetings with us and we came away from those meetings with an agreement we could live with. They came away with a renewed understanding of our community’s commitment.

After Greg spoke, we had reports from the various Board committees.
Jerry England spoke on finances, and said that we are experiencing a shortfall at this time. We are down 29 initiates and 37 staff men from where we would normally want to be at this point in the year. As part of a restructuring of our finances, we are going to start planning on a two-month cash flow basis, as opposed to our traditional annul basis. With that in mind, we are down $5,000 for the months of May and June due to low enrollment for the weekends. We do have some money coming in on a month-to-month basis from prior weekends. We are in integrity with our obligations; however, we must begin to increase our revenue and reduce our expenditures. Jerry also discussed some other potential means we have of generating income, including renting out LOMG to other groups, more advertising in the DRUM, as well as dues and room rental. Suggestions were made as to requesting financial assistance from foundations, reminding men that they can make donations above and beyond the amount of their dues or leave MKP Houston bequests in their wills.

Mari Guas directed his remarks to the subject of enrollment. He remembered the time in the not-too-distant past when there was a waiting list for every weekend, both for men wanting to be initiated and for men wanting to staff. He suggested that we really start thinking big around enrollment. One of the most promising possibilities for increasing our enrollment, based on what other communities have experienced, is the open I-Group. As the name implies, this is an I-Group where the members invite uninitiated men to participate, thus offering the possibility of a “home” for men who are looking for this kind of connection. How the group will look or the frequency of its being open will vary from I-Group to I-Group, depending on the decisions of the members. Another possibility we are looking at is trying an NWTA that doesn’t have the degree of secrecy that our weekends currently do. Another possibility that was mentioned is to call men who have drifted away and, instead of calling to ask for money, to find out what we can do for these men, as well as find out what it would take to bring them back into the community. We are also looking for men to staff weekends; there are a number of misconceptions around prerequisites for being able to staff a weekend. Essentially, if a man is initiated and wants to staff a weekend, there is a place for him.

Scott Cole addressed the subject of development, which translates into “raising money,” and began by saying that he is looking for more volunteers for this committee. There will be a ball on November 1, the Saturday after Halloween. We will need people to decorate the building and silent auction items. The development committee is also looking to hook up with any men in the community who are members of foundations. Other possibilities that were suggested were having another phase of the Capital Campaign, merchandising caps and shirts related specifically to our community, as some of the other communities do, and seeking permanent financing for our lodge.

Lamont Grogan took up the topic of mission and service. His approach to these dual concepts relates to neglected people and places, as can be seen in the lead article in this issue of the DRUM. He specifically addressed the service work we are doing at The Beacon, the College Park Memorial Cemetery and at Palmer Episcopal Church. He mentioned that men have come for the service work and have come back for the connection. A lot of our work is with the homeless, and Lamont has learned that what they are most looking for is respect and dignity. He expects that our work will start drawing more publicity, which can only be beneficial for our community, as time goes on. He concluded with a reminder that we send the men home on the weekends by telling them to “Go in mission; go in service,” and that now MKP Houston is providing an opportunity to do just that.

Adam Nisenson focused on communications, which includes public relations. He is in the process of developing a PR kit and a marketing plan. He is planning to put together a focus group of consisting of men who are active and men who are currently inactive, to help determine why men leave the organization. The communications committee is suggesting that MKP Houston go back to its former name of “Men in Mission,” which better reflects the direction in which our brotherhood is heading. Adam also discussed reaching men through our website, which he wants to see become a resource for our men, through the DRUM, through the therapy community, and possibly though webinars and podcasts. There was some discussion about the easiest way for the organization to re-adopt “Men in Mission” as its official name.

Following the reports, the floor was opened for community discussion, which I was constrained to miss because of a prior obligation. Still, plenty of valuable information was disseminated through the reports, and I am looking forward to the next community gathering.

11-Aug-08 1:15 PM

Neglected People, Neglected Places

Lamont Grogan — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 18:00:00 GMT

Warrior Men in Mission
Neglected People, Neglected Places
by Lamont Grogan

A few months ago Ken Rogers, Leader Emeritus, and a handful of Warrior men began an initiative to make “service and mission” a more important aspect of our warrior community life. Service and mission are central to the weekend training and at the very core of our individual lives. The commonly held belief is that our collective experience and purpose is enhanced by making service and mission a central part of our community life at large. The fulfillment and satisfaction that warms the heart of any person who extends themselves for another can be increased in our community when, as a community, we live out the true meaning of our creed. One of the motivations for engaging in this effort was to provide a venue for men to experience each other in addition to Weekend Trainings and I Groups. The connections we make with each other when we share a Warrior experience are among the most meaningful experiences of our lives. This endeavor has begun modestly but with determination.

In identifying the kinds of service events that provide the shared and meaningful experience we all crave, MIM organizers have sought to include aspects of our warrior philosophy that have proven so helpful to our efforts to become better men, more authentic men. We bring shadow and judgments and cynicism to all our endeavors including our “acts of service.” Processes are being developed to explore these dark energies that interfere with our potential for fulfillment. The handful of men leading this effort has identified at least two viable projects our community can rally around. We may have found a mission that can help bring us together and propel us in our mission to heal the world “one heart at a time.” In our search for projects we have encountered neglected people and neglected places.

Neglected People
Houston has a large community of homeless people eking out a daily subsistence, wandering the streets, especially in downtown neighborhoods. They represent all walks of life and include the children of warrior men and at times in the past, warrior men themselves. Regardless of the judgments we carry about these people, there they are, exposed to the elements, physically and emotionally wounded, and hungry. Several Houston churches have programs to minister to the homeless and MIM has partnered with at least three organizations that do this important work every day. Christ Church Cathedral has established “the Beacon” program that feeds about 400 people per day every weekend at their downtown location. Our first service project was a group of 12 warriors who served food, washed clothes and dispensed clothing and toiletries to the homeless on a Saturday morning. The Beacon welcomes our involvement. There is a genuine need.

Additionally Palmer Episcopal Church on South Main Street has a viable program, administered by one of our warrior brothers, Mike Armstrong, that feeds breakfast to hundreds of homeless every weekday. These churches need volunteers and Warrior men are participating on a regular basis in these two worthy efforts. It is one thing to see blurred figures go by as you drive around town and another thing entirely to look into their eyes, afford them the dignity and respect that is every man’s birthright, and say “how are you doing today”. They are real people, our brothers and sisters, who, for some periods if time, need help. They are more a gift to the volunteer than the volunteer is a gift to them. Our hardened and disengaged hearts are softened, and the universe invites us to look through the window of compassion. This is an opportunity, for a warrior, to realize how impermanent life is and the extraordinary gifts that arise from a personal experience of “their suffering”. Warrior participants will attest to these gifts and the added bonus of experiencing all of it with Warrior men.

Another program that works with neglected people is Search Inc. In addition to its on-site services which include medical attention, job search assistance, clothing distribution and other programs, the Search staff takes volunteers in vans and locates the homeless wherever they are in the community, delivering food, supplies, and job counseling. This worthy effort focuses on reintegrating homeless people back into mainstream society. Joel Ferguson is leading this effort on behalf of Men in Mission.

Participating in these MIM service initiatives require as little as three hours or as much as 6 hours of a man’s time, on a particular day. Projects are available on weekdays and weekends, and you can participate individually as well as participating as an I group. Please invite uninitiated men to join you. Contact Ken Rogers, 713-501-4773, for information about how you, your I group, or any number of your non-Warrior friends can participate.
Neglected Places

When the Civil War ended a group of about 1200 recently freed slaves migrated to Houston and established Freedman’s Town, located just west of downtown in an area we know today as the Fourth Ward. A cemetery was established in the 1890s called the College Park Memorial Cemetery; it is located in the 3600 block of West Dallas Street.. Many of the freed slaves and their descendants were interred there until the 1960s. The current five and a half acre site was much larger; the developers of the Allen House Apartments encroached on part of the Cemetery during the 1950s. What remains of the cemetery is under the guardianship of the Bethel Missionary Baptist Church led by Pastor Robert Robertson, who is also closely associated with Harris County Juvenile Probation Department. The Cemetery was originally established by Jack Yates Jr who was the original founder of the church. Jack Yates was an important leader in Houston’s black community. This lovely green space, now a Texas Historic Commission site, has a history of neglect.

Pastor Robertson regularly brings troubled young men from the Juvenile Probation Department to the cemetery to perform “community service” cleanup efforts. When the Pastor was made aware that Warrior men wanted to help restore the cemetery he was delighted to have the help, but was even more delighted to have mature men available to work side by side with “the kids.” The pastor knows from experience that a young person’s life can be impacted, in powerful ways, by just being around mature men.

The first cleanup day was held on April 5th and 12 Warrior men, 30 “kids,” people from the church congregation and people in the neighborhood, went to work. Mowing raking, and removing dead trees, began the first phase of a comprehensive program to restore the site. A master plan is being developed with funding from nearby real estate developers and other organizations. The City of Houston has pledged to support efforts to cleanup this cemetery as well as others. This comprehensive effort will involve archeology and a preservation of the history of the location.

There are many rewarding aspects to this project in addition to working with troubled young people. The site will be a welcome green space that Houstonians can enjoy and will feature a Prayer Garden. The cemetery will be a focal point for teaching school children about the history of Houston’s early black community. Honoring and respecting the sanctity of this place will do much to nurture honor and respect among present day citizens. The site is like an unopened history book. What will we learn when we begin turning the pages?

Would you consider visiting the site located a few hundred yards east of the intersection of Shepherd and West Dallas Street? Just drop by and see the work already done and how much is yet to do. Be alert for regular announcements regarding planned workdays. A typical workday will start at 8:00 am and conclude around noon with the Pastor’s famous BBQ chicken lunch. Your presence at these cleanup events is valuable whether you break a sweat or not. The pastor has encouraged smaller groups of Warrior men to work at the site anytime convenient to them, making this an ideal way for an I Group to participate. Please contact Lamont Grogan or Bruce Anderson for more information about this project.

Our most recent cleanup day, on Saturday, June 14, was highlighted by a spectacular effort by Frank Dunstatter and his very good equipment. Frank’s riding lawnmower accomplished more in one day that I thought was possible.

Regularly scheduled cleanup dates at the cemetery are planned for the second Saturday of each month between now and December. Those dates are July 12th, August 9th, Sept 13th, October 11th, November 8th, and December 13th. Please come if you can.

The Men in Mission initiative is in a period of investigation and discovery. What causes and projects will work best for our warrior community and benefit the community at large? We ask for your ideas, support and goodwill. We don’t have many answers, but many questions. We are looking for ways to enrich our experiences and deepen the connections between us as Warrior men, and make ourselves more valuable to everyone around us. So men, what do you think?

11-Aug-08 1:00 PM

Are You Open?. . . Open to Being Open to an Open I-Group?

Mariano Guas, Free Coyote 6/96 — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 18:00:00 GMT

Are You Open?. . . Open to Being Open to an Open I-Group??
By Mariano Guas, Free Coyote 6/96

What is an Open I-Group?
An Open I-Group is the opportunity to invite an uninitiated man to experience what our work is all about. Perhaps there is a man in your life that you would like to introduce to our community. An Open I-Group is a very effective way to introduce that man or men to our work. It is also one of the most powerful enrollment tools that we can use. What can be more beautiful than inviting a man to sit in a circle of men to witness them speaking their truth, without any pressure to make any commitments?

When men see the bond, the love, the honesty that exists between the men of the I-group, they will want this for themselves.

Why have an Open I-Group?
Open I-Groups are being used in many communities throughout the ManKind Project. In some communities as many as 99% of the non-initiated men that have attended Open I-Groups go on to enroll in the New Warrior Training Adventure, the NWTA. The retention rate for men who come to a NWTA by this route is usually high, (i.e. the rate exceeds 50% and can reach up to 75%).

Open I-Groups enhance a man’s experience on an NWTA. The men from Open I-Groups who come to the NWTA “engage” in the weekend more quickly and this encourages other men to trust more quickly and participate in the energy of the weekend.

How do you have an Open I-Group?
Each I-group can decide how they will open their I-group. Some I-groups decide to have an open night on a regular basis, e.g., the first Monday of each month. Others open their I-group anytime that a member wants to bring a guest, provided that the group is notified ahead of time.

The bottom line is that each individual I-Group can determine how Open I-Groups will be handled by their group.

What actually happens in an Open I-Group is again up to the group. Typically, the guest is asked to make a commitment to confidentiality and the basic rules and guidelines are reviewed for his benefit. There are also a number of protocols available that groups in other communities use. Some suggested protocols and processes are available. I will be glad to send them to anyone that wants them; I can be reached at mguas@comcast.net.

The invitation can be for one evening or it can be open-ended. In some Open I-Groups a finite number of visits is allowed and if the man wants to continue in the I-group he is then asked to commit to attending a weekend. Obviously the longer a man is allowed to attend the more impact it will have.

What’s in it for me?
When I lived in New Orleans my I-group was always open to the guests of the members. The overwhelming majority of the men that would attend would sign up to do an NWTA. In those days that meant traveling to another center, usually Houston. It also meant a connection that I had with the new men and the energy that they would bring to the circle. It gave me the opportunity to live in mission, and to fulfill the promise of healing this planet, one man at a time.

Open I-Groups are starting to take hold here in Houston. I am aware of at least three instances already where guests have attended an open I-Group and signed up for the NWTA.

Is there a man in your life that you would like to invite into this community? Is there a man who needs this community? Is there a man out there that we need in this community?

This is a great way to benefit yourself, this man and this community by inviting him to come experience the love and trust we have for our fellow brothers.

So the question, again, is ARE YOU OPEN? OPEN TO AN OPEN I-GROUP?

11-Aug-08 1:00 PM